The Vintage Tales of Viking Vinyards

Tales From Feasts

by Finn Normansson

Mmmm. Feast.

At an Osprey event several years ago, part of the entertainment was a young man who did a monologue. The monologue was in the form of an "advertisement" for the S.C.A. and one of the lines that got big laughs was, "Only in the S.C.A. can you eat strange new dishes available nowhere else!"

While the vast majority of feasts I have had in the Society have been excellent, I have had some that were notable for other reasons. One that really stands out in my memory was the feast served at The Elizabethan Pleasure Fair in the Shire of Dragounsweal.

Pleasure Fair was a one time event and it featured the first, and for many years only, fencing tournament held in Meridies. The tournament was won by Axemoor's Will Erinson.

The feast was scheduled somewhat later than usual and was delayed by over an hour beyond that. By the time it was served, the populace was quite hungry. They say that hunger is the best sauce, but no amount of sauce would have helped this feast.

The two feastcrats were amours you see, and they had a lovers spat that day. As a result of this disagreement each decided to sabotage the feast to spite the other.The disaster started with the bread. It looked all right on the outside but when you tore off a piece it became obvious that the bread was less then half baked. Next came a soup course into which an entire container of salt had been emptied. Then, a beef dish into which an entire box of pepper had been poured. Some hearty souls actually tried to eat the offering but many more gentles started to head for the door and the nearby Pizza Hut.

Sir Francois, who was sitting at high table, brought out a white handkerchief and started to wave it to signal his surrender. Sir Francois is a puissant knight, but he knows when he has met his match!

Once at an Axemoor event, the first remove of the feast included a salad which had as an ingredient, rose petals. One if the members of the Seleone Children's Crusade, who was sitting on my left, refused the salad saying, "No, I don't eat flowers."

The next remove included as one of the dishes, a saffron tart. The young man really liked the saffron tart and took seconds when they were offered. As he was about to tuck in, I couldn't resist asking him, "You know what saffron is don't you?"

The young man hastily amended his earlier statement to include only raw flowers.

I would say that the most unusual dish I never ate was at Sir Ryan von Guntherberg II's coronation. I was engaged in conversation and not paying full attention to the heralds who were announcing the second remove. Isolde saw me do a double take and knowing that my hearing sometimes plays tricks on me as my years advance, she asked me, "What do you think you heard?"

"I thought they said that one of the dishes was sautéed baboon," I replied.

We all got a hearty laugh over this and sautéed baboon became the "in" joke at our table. When one of the kitchen staff came around to ask if everything was to our liking, I could not resist saying, "The sautéed baboon was excellent."

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