The Vintage Tales of Viking Vinyards

John Who?

by Finn Normansson

The last coronation that Isolde and I attended in Eastrealm was that of Master Frederick of Holland. The coronation took place in the Principality of Atlantia in Autumn of A.S. XII. The name Frederick of Holland may be familiar to you if you have read the account of The Mayday Tourney in The Knowne World Handbook; he was one of the combatants.

During the first court of King Frederick, his queen, Nicorlynn of Caer Wydyr, had about a half dozen royal whims proclaimed. These whims, she explained, were not additions to kingdom law, they were merely some wishes of hers to be enforced for the duration of their reign.

I do not remember all the royal whims, but the three I do remember are: 1. There are never enough mushrooms. (Mistress Isolde finds herself in complete agreement with this.)

2. The bagpipes, being an instrument of war, their use indoors is banned.

3. There are no bears. For the duration of the reign, those large omnivorous mammals which are fond of honey and given to hibernation all winter will be referred to as "blanks".

The origin of the third whim goes back to the early days of Frederick and Nicorlynn in the Society. Westrealm held many of its camping events in California State Parks and Nicorlynn was terrified of the possibility of a bear raiding their campsite. Every night when they bedded down, Frederick would tell his wife, "Nicorlynn, there are no bears." When she became Queen, Nicorlynn wished to make this official.

During the coronation feast the Ambassador from the Principality of Meridies approached the high table. The Ambassador announced to their Majesties and the general population that the Principality of Meridies had that day held its first Crown List. In January, Meridies would shed its principality status and take its rightful place among the other kingdoms of the Knowne World when it crowned as its first king, John the Blank-killer.

From the Ambassador's announcement Isolde and I concluded that this Meridies was a silly place and we were glad that we lived in a sensible kingdom like Eastrealm.

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